You have heard the old saw “forgive and forget,” but I will argue that not only is it impossible, forgetting also is unwise. God may be able to forgive and forget, but that’s not usually how it works for us humans.
Experiences that have been seared into our souls leave indelible marks that change us in deep ways, and because we are human, those events stay with us. Some things we just cannot forget.
Besides, I think there is something biblical and wise about remembering—remembering who we are, what we have been through, and what we’ve learned along the way.
I believe a key part of faithful and wise living is our remembering, remembering even past hurts. For one thing, remembering honors the pain we have borne. We shouldn’t dismiss and downplay our pain because betrayal hurts deeply and the remembering of it acknowledges how damaging and deadly sin can be.
In remembering we do not stuff our feelings or dismiss the hurt, rather we honor the significance of the wrong that has been done. We grieve the damage done to relationship: we grieve the loss of trust. We don’t say it’s okay, that it doesn’t matter, because it does matter. It matters to us. It matters to the health and to the witness of the entire community. It matters to God.
For another thing, in our remembering we hold each other accountable to right behavior and Christ-like living. We don’t make excuses for people who have hurt or harmed someone else or let them off the hook.
Destructive behaviors need to be exposed and confronted. Healing happens in the light while toxic festering is what happens in the darkness of denial . . .
Right remembering not only recollects the wrongs done to me, it also remembers how easy it is for me to inflict hurt on others. Right remembering makes us wise and keeps us humble . . .
Read more at Charlotte Vaughan Coyle. Living in The Story: A Year to Read the Bible and Ponder God’s Story of Love and Grace (pp. 106-107). Resource Publications. Kindle Edition.
Living in The Story readings Week 7
